Letting Ella be taken by the anesthesiologists was the hardest part today. It is now 11:30am. We’ve been at the hospital since 7:00. Ella was in a terrific mood. Everything amused her. She was checked over by the admitting nurse and then by the anesthesiologists. They all thought she was in excellent shape. Next we were taken to the holding room where we met all the doctors and told again what the procedure will be. There was some concern that there will be problems with the intubation, as a result of Ella’s asymmetry. We asked for a special update about that. Then she was dressed in a pajama and taken to be prepared. We were wondering when we will see her smiling again the way she was smiling all morning. Will she be the same Ella we know? We have the illusion of control (and even that is very slight). Yet seeing her being carried off illustrated the total lack of control we have in this specific situation.
We are in the family waiting room. We received two updates till now. One at around 10:30 letting us know that there were no problems with the intubation. She was doing just fine. The other at 11:20 telling us they are ready to start the actual surgery. I cringe at the thought of them cutting open her head. I can’t seem to get that picture out of my mind.
So we sit here, completely helpless, hoping they are doing the best possible thing for our little girl.